Simpson Trivia - Simpsons Tall Tales

Tales
-Paul Bunyan
The story of the big lumberjack. Homer is Paul Bunyan, who after the town grows poor feeding him, sadly leaves and carves himself an ox out of stone to keep him company. He then sees Marge and they fall in love. When a meteor nearly crushes the town, Homer manages to save the town, and they live happily ever after
-Connie Appleseed
The story of Johnny Appleseed with a little twist, as in the main character is Lisa, a girl. While her family enjoys eating buffalo's, Lisa thinks it would be better to feed of apples, and she rebels against her family, which ends with her leaving them to plant apple trees all over. In the mean time her family kills all the buffalos, and the company would starve and feed on the family, but Lisa saves them by offering them apples
-Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn
Bart and nelson as Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn relive this classic Mark Twain book. The fence painting, Nelson and Lisa(as Becky) nearly marrying, the rafting down the Mississippi, even their deaths aren't missing out.

Paul Bunyan
Paul Bunyan is a mythical giant lumberjack. Millions of stories about him have been told. In this paper, I will attempt to give you an idea of what the the stories are about, and tell you his "life" story, even though he never actually lived.
Supposedly, Paul Bunyan was born in Maine. There stories of his childhood developed. One popular story claims that as a baby Paul rolled around in his sleep and knocked down four square acres of trees. Because of this destruction, Paul Bunyan's parents anchored his cradle off shore. This, however, didn't stop the harm caused by young Paul. Floating in the ocean, his cradles shook so violently that tidal waves formed and destroyed Nova Scotia. Finally, seven British ships had to fire at Paul to wake him up. Paul simply stood up and walked to shore. The waves he caused destroyed the seven ships, prompting Great Britain to seize the baby's cradle to build seven new ones. The waves caused by Paul is the cause behind the Bay of Fundy's giant tides. As a child, Paul sawed the legs off his parents' bed, alerting them that he was to be a lumberjack. At school Paul wrote his numbers and letters so large that his teacher could not see if he was doing them right, and Paul was often scolded. Then one day, after being scolded, Paul threw his teachers into the stove and left school to be a lumberjack and change America. There begins his logging legacy.
Paul Bunyan legends credit him for logging a vast amount of land and creating many major landforms. Supposedly he created both the Grand Canyon and the Great Lakes by dragging his axe behind him. His companion was a giant blue ox, Babe. His hide had turned blue after being frostbit in the Winter of the Blue Snow. Babe's horns were 42 axe handles and a plug of tobacco apart and the rest of him was in proportion. He too changed the land. In Ontario Babe pulled the Crooked Roads straight, and his footprints formed the lakes of Minnesota, making it the land of 10,000 lakes. One legend claims that Paul dug the Great Lakes to collect drinking water for Babe.
Paul too was huge. He towered over trees and combed his beard with a pine tree. He had his soup made in a lake and had a griddle seven blocks long which he had men skate on with slabs of bacon on their feet. It took a two acre fire to cook the pancakes. According to legend, Paul dug Pudget Sound and the St. Lawrence River.
Of all the logging jobs Paul had, one stands out from the others. That is the time he logged North Dakota. One day the Swedish King sent Paul a letter. In the letter the King said that there was a group of Swedes who were always trying to improve things, and the King couldn't stand that. So he decided to send them to another place and wanted Paul to clear the land. Paul and his team decided that North Dakota would be the perfect spot. They used 400,000 men and had a camp 10 times bigger than any they'd had in the past. The got a new griddle from Moline, Illinois, and started making little hot cakes in a ring instead of large ones. Babe like these new hot cakes and soon developed a carving for them. The craving eventually led to his demise. The cookhouse took three acres of trees per day to keep the fires running. The tables were so long that the waiters wore roller skates in order to keep the food warm. They made their soup in a lake and had Babe haul water every day. The crew ate 2,000 steers in one or two days. Paul and his crew soon cleared all the trees and after that Paul went around and knocked all the stumps into the ground, which is why North Dakota is so smooth. Paul thought the job was finished, but it wasn't.
The Swedish King wrote to Paul and said that he wanted to know if the land was fertile and wanted proof if it was. Paul decided to plant a kernel of corn and have people sign affidavits, giving testimony that it was fertile and that the corn grew quickly. Paul planted that kernel four feet deep, but he had no sooner turned around than the corn was higher than Paul's knee. By the time other men arrived they could no longer see the top. Ole was a blacksmith and the only person who could shoe Babe, but offered to climb to the top to cut it off so the corn would stop growing up. Finally, after much climbing, Paul said he could come down, but for every foot Ole moved down, the growing corn stalk moved him up three. Paul had to shoot food up to Ole with a gun and then tried to cut down the cornstalk, which proved to be an extremely difficult task. In order to cut it down, you would need to chop twice in the same spot, but the growth of the corn was so fast that this was impossible.
All those troubles were bad enough, but then an inspector showed up, further added to Paul's dilemma. The inspector said that the cornstalk was taking away water for the crops of farmers in Iowa and Illinois, and the Mississippi River had lowered six feet. The inspector so angered Paul that Paul kicked him and sent him flying.
It was then that Paul got his idea. The Great Northern Railroad was building a railroad nearby, and so Paul took a railroad rail and tied it around the corn stalk. As it continued to grow, it gradually cut itself in two. That cornstalk took three days to fall and stirred up so much wind that ever since the Mississippi River Valley has been full of windstorms and tornadoes. Through all the confusion though, nobody had time to write affidavits. Luckily newspapers wrote about the incident and so a clipping was sent to the Swedish King. The Swedish King then sent the Swedes and the money for payment. This is why there are so many Swedes in North Dakota. (Note: Ole was okay.)
Paul didn't simply log. Once he tried dairy ranching. He owned a popcorn and dairy ranch, but someone dropped a cigarette stub near the popcorn crib, causing the whole ranch to be covered in popped popcorn. The cows thought it was a blizzard and froze to death. Even Lucy, Paul's favorite cow, died. Lucy gave so much milk that it took seven men to skim the cream. Because of these losses, Paul never farmed again.
Another story places Paul and his crew in Iowa. Babe had hay fever and so the group went to Iowa so he could recover. There Paul's crew learned poetry, music, and ballet, and became "soft" and lazy. Paul, wanted his "rough" crew back took his crew to He-Man Country, an elevated land area between the Cascade Mountains and the Rocky Mountains. It was a terrible area with fast currents, waterfalls, rapids, quicksand, and mean, terrible animals. There Paul made the men log. It quickly changed the men back to their original selves. That spring geysers sprouted and rain from China washed away all the elevated land and covered the land with sagebrush. It scared the animals so severely that they changed to less vicious creatures out of fear.
Paul Bunyan is also credited with digging the Mississippi River. One day Babe was hauling water from the Great Lakes to make ice for skid roads at one of the logging camps. Suddenly the tank broke and the water ran southwards to the Gulf of Mexico. Paul, in order to prevent floods, dug a channel for the water to flow in. As Paul threw the dirt to either side of the river, two mountain chains forms, the Rocky Mountains and the Allegheny Mountains.
Most people know about Paul's logging, but very few know about his family. It all started one day when Paul heard a woman screaming. She was yelling so loudly that you could hear her for 10 miles. When Paul reached the rapids, from where the noise was coming, he found Carrie McIntire. Her sister was going over the waterfalls. Paul quickly started throwing rocks and trees, building a dam. Carrie caught on fast, and soon the water was so low that Carrie's sister was able to walk to shore. It was then that Paul asked Carrie to marry him, and she agreed.
Carrie was extremely large and strong. It took a sail of a ship to wrap around her waist and 13 Hudson's Bay Blankets to make her a skirt. Once Paul had her split boards for a macaroni farm in Wisconsin and let her have a large crew. She probably didn't need it however. On the first day she alone split 4,756 boards, though her axe got stuck in the last one. When the workers pulled it out they discovered it's head was missing. They found it in the first log she split. Carrie also loved to flirt with the men at the camp and had a bad temper. Once she liked the cook, but when he stopped liking her she became upset. When he tried to be nice, she became so furious that she banged a pan of potatoes over his head so hard that the bottom broke off. After that she stopped flirting with the men.
Two of her other favorites were her fake teeth and children. According to stories, she was out on a log when her teeth fell out. Paul, thinking fast, tied a chicken bone on a cable and lowered it down. Those teeth simply bit onto the bone.
Carrie and Paul Bunyan had two children, a boy and a girl. The boy grew extremely fast, even faster when Paul looked at him, so Paul rarely did. Teeney was their daughter. She once saved Paul when he was cutting logs in her sawmill and the sawdust almost suffocated Paul. Teeney saved his life by digging him out. Later Ole, the blacksmith, started courting her, although nobody seems to know if they got married or not.
Eventually Paul and Babe moved East. It was there that Babe died, and Paul ended his legendary logging. On the East Coast Babe was hungry most of the time, missed the hot cakes, and was lonesome for his home of the past. Because of his hunger, Babe got himself into various troubles. One time he ate so much honey that he got a toothache and had to have a tooth pulled. The dentist was also an acrobat, and the derrick that they used to pull the tooth was later used to pull stumps. Another time he ate eight rolls of barbed wire. Paul had to send a kid inside Babe to cut it up so Babe wouldn't die. Yet another time Babe ate four bins of cow feed and started swelling. The problem was made worse when a man gave him a drink of water which caused Babe to swell and bloat even more. Finally, someone stuck the dinner horn in Babe to let out the air. Unfortunately the sound scared Babe and prompted him to run into the river. There the water started to go through the horn into Babe, and he started to sink and drown. Suddenly the air inside Babe spurted out the water, and Babe floated to the top and was okay. It was this immense hunger that led to Babe's death.
It all started when Paul had to build a corral for Babe because he was eating so much of the forest. That corral didn't last very long though. One night Babe slept near the wall, and when he stretched his hind legs in the morning the whole thing collapsed. When Paul Bunyan made a second corral, he made it out of wire with 48 climbers in five weeks. Soon the grazing ground inside disappeared though. Then Babe had to be let loose on government land in order to eat. The forest ranger protested this, but said he could be chained on the edge. Paul took a ship's anchor chain, tied one end to Babe, and the other to Mount Pilchuck. It was then, chained to the mountain that Babe got a whiff of hotcakes in Vancover. He ripped the mountain off and drug it until it caught on something and stayed put, which is 100 or 150 miles south of where it should be. When Babe arrived at the camp, the last batch of hotcakes were on the griddle. He quickly ate the four platters on the table that were each four feet high. Then he ate the hotcakes on the stove, along with the stove, cook, and fire. The cook had just put a spruce tree into the fire, and Babe was soon cooked. They butchered Babe, canned him, and sold him. They loaded it into 240 refrigerator cars and sold the rest to stores. It is still sold to this very day.
After Babe's death Paul was never the same. He might have done a number of things. Some people claim that he is logging by airplane and helping Mexico build its navy. Others say he is logging in the Arctic Circle or helping Santa Claus build runners for his sled. Other stories say he is ranching in Oregon, growing apples, farming in Nevada, or cattle ranching in Idaho. Nobody seems to know, but for many years he was missed by loggers when they needed help.

Johnny Appleseed
Johnny Appleseed in real life was one John Chapman, born on September 26,1774 near Leominster, Massachusetts. Little is known of his early life, but he apparently received a good education which helped him in his later years. By the time he was 25 years old, he had become a nursery man and had planted apple trees in the western portions of New York and Pennsylvania. Some of the orchards in those areas were said to have originated with his apple trees.
When the rich and fertile lands lying south of the Great Lakes and west of the Ohio river were opened for settlement in the early 1800's, John Chapman was among the very first to explore the new territory. This was the Northwest Territory from which the states of Ohio, Michigan, Indiana, and Illinois were later formed. For nearly half a century Johnny Appleseed roamed his territory. When settlers arrived, they found John Chapman's young apple trees ready for sale. In the years that followed, he became known as the Apple Tree Man, or Johnny Appleseed.
His manner of operation was simple. He went into the wildreness with a bag of apple seeds on his back until he found a likely spot for planting. There he would clear the land by chopping out weeds and brush by hand. Then he planted his apple seeds in neat rows and built a brush fence around the area to keep out straying animals. His nurseries varied in size. Some were only an acre or so, others covered many acres.
He did all of the work himself, living alone for weeks at a time with only the Indians and wild animals for companionship. He never carried a gun or weapon of any kind. He was a deeply religious man who lived by the Golden Rule and had no fear of man or beast. Indians accepted him as a friend, and he is reputed to have talked at times to the wild animals who watched him as he worked in his nurseries. Undoubtedly, they sensed his kind and gentle nature. Once, it is reported, he was caught in a snow storm and crept into a hollow fallen tree for shelter. He found it occupied by a hibernating bear and her cubs, but spent the night there nonetheless. There is no report, however, of how much space he kept between them and himself.
John Chapman was a practical businessman as well as a sincere Christian. Somewhere, somehow, he had caught a vision of the winderness blossoming with apple trees, orchard after orchard of carefully nurtured trees, whose fragrant blossoms gave promise of a fruitful harvest for the settlers. Willingly he endured the hardships of his wilderness life as he worked to make his dream come true. His sturdy young trees lightened the hearts and lifted the spirits of many settlers, for there is a suggestion of a permanent and loving home when one plants fruit trees around a cabin.
He sold his trees for a few pennies each, accepting any of the coins current on the frontier. Some had no cash, and from those he accepted a simple promise to pay at a later date. Few failed to keep their word. He sometimes accepted payment in used clothing.
As he was a small man, his bartered clothing usually fit him poorly. This led to some of the humorous descriptions of his appearance in those early years. Like many of the settlers, he went barefooted a great deal because shoes were hard to come by and seldom fit his tough gnarled feet. As he ate no meat, he carried a stewpot or kettle with him. In this he could gather nuts or berries in season, carry water, get milk from a settler's cow, boil potatoes, or drop a handful of coarse-ground meal into the boiling water to make an unpalatable but nourishing meal. He has been pictured wearing such a pot on his head, but more likely he kept it tied to his pack rather than let it bounce on his head.
He preferred to walk, carrying his precious apple seeds and the simplest of camping gear on his back. He also used a boat, canoe, or raft to transfer larger loads of seeds along the many waterways. Customarily, he obtained his apple seeds every fall. At first, he went back to the cider presses in western Pennsylvania where he selected good seeds from the discarded apple pressings. He washed the seeds carefully and packed them in bags for planting the following spring. In later years, as cider presses were located in the new territory, he gathered his seeds closer to home.
There is no way to estimate how many millions of seeds he planted in the hundreds of nurseries he created in the territory lying south of the Great Lakes and between the Ohio and Mississippi Rivers. This was his service to mankind.
John Chapman never married, but he loved people and especially children. As the settlers moved into the wilderness, his lonely nights were fewer because he was a welcomed guest at every cabin. Many a night after the simple meal, he would hold them all enthralled with his stories or read to them from the Bible or from some of the religious material he carried.
It was with such friends that he spent his last night. He had been living near Fort Wayne, Indiana, when word came one March day that cattle had broken through the brush fence around one of his nurseries some twenty miles away. Although it was a raw spring day, he set forth immediately to repair the damage. On his return trip he was stricken with a disease known as the winter plague. He found shelter with friendly settlers but failed to survive the attack. A newspaper account gives the date as March 18, 1845, but other dates have been given. Such confusion is not at all suprising when one remembers that this kind and gentle man was known by the name of Johnny Appleseed to almost everyone, and only a few knew that his true name was John Chapman. Many of his young seedlings may have crossed the plains in covered wagons to produce their bountiful fruit in the western states. Certainly, his fame did, for the name of Johnny Appleseed is known throughout all of the United States and elsewhere in much of the world. People continue to improve their environment in Johnny Appleseed's manner whenever they plant a new seedling!

Tom Sawyer
Because the hobo's version was mainly based on the first book written by Mark Twain, I will provide a summary of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, but Mark Twain has written a lot more about these two boys, so if you're interested, I've found a website about the author.

The book begins in St. Petersburg, Missouri, a small village on the banks of the Mississippi River in the mid-1800s. Tom, a mischievous boy, is hiding from his Aunt Polly while stealing jam from the pantry. When caught, he runs away and goes swimming instead of going to school.
The next day, Aunt Polly punishes him for playing hookey by making him whitewash their entire fence. Tom instead convinces the other boys in town that whitewashing is fun and gets them to do all the work for him. Aunt Polly lets him go and he goes to play with his friend Joe. The two boys have wild imaginations and a taste for getting into trouble. On his way home from playing, Tom sees a beautiful girl and falls in love with her.
That Sunday, the whole family must go to church. At Sunday school, Tom trades other boys for tickets that will earn him a free Bible. To actually earn the Bible, children must collect tickets by learning two thousand Bible verses. Tom's new love, Becky Thatcher, arrives at Sunday school with her father, a judge. Tom proudly claims his Bible in front of everyone, but cannot name the first two disciples when questioned by Judge Thatcher. At church, he entertains himself by playing with a pinch bug, which bites a dog and causes a huge disruption.
On his way to school on Monday, Tom runs into Huckleberry Finn, the son of the town drunk. Huck is homeless, can't read and lives a wild life. Tom is late for school, and for punishment is forced to sit next to Becky, which he is happy about. At lunch, Tom and Becky meet and Tom convinces her that they should get engaged and kiss. She does kiss him, but Tom lets it slip that he was already engaged to someone else, and she rejects him. Tom skips the rest of school and meets Joe in the woods to play Robin Hood.
At midnight, Tom and Huck sneak into the graveyard. Once there, they hear people coming and hide. Dr. Robinson arrives with Injun Joe, an evil criminal, and Muff Potter. They are stealing bodies from the grave. The men argue. Muff Potter is knocked out, and Injun Joe murders Dr. Robinson. Tom and Huck run away, fearing for their lives. When Muff Potter awakes, Injun Joe tells him that he, not Injun Joe, murdered the Doctor.
Tom and Huck, scared, swear never to tell anyone what they saw. However, Tom is bothered by the event and begins to have nightmares. Becky gets sick and he becomes very depressed. When Becky returns to school, she rejects him again and Tom decides to run away.
He convinces Joe and Huck that they should become pirates, and they steal a skiff and sail to Jackson's Island, down-river from St. Petersburg. There they play and talk about what they will do as pirates. They see people from the village searching the river for them, and realize that they townsfolk believe that they have drowned. They begin to get homesick, but Tom convinces them that they should stay on the island. That night, however, he sneaks back to St. Petersburg.
Tom intends on leaving Aunt Polly a note saying that they are alive and well. When he sneaks into his house, he hides and listens to Aunt Polly, Joe's mother, his brother Sid, and his cousin Mary crying and talking about funeral plans for the boys. Tom waits until Aunt Polly is asleep and sneaks back out, without leaving the note.
After Tom returns to the island, he tells Huck and Joe of a great plan he has devised. Huck teaches them how to smoke, although they get sick doing it. That night, there is a terrible storm, and the boys spend most of the night getting soaked and trying to find shelter. The day of the funeral, they act on Tom's plan: they return to the village and hide in the gallery of the church to watch their own funeral. In the middle of the funeral, they come out of hiding and they entire town is overjoyed.
Back at school, Tom and Becky are still fighting. Becky accidentally rips a page in the schoolmaster's book, but Tom, out of love, pretends he did it and takes the punishment for her. She is grateful and their fighting stops.
School ends with the boys playing a prank on the schoolmaster in front of the whole village. Becky leaves town for the summer, and Tom is sad and very bored. Tom gets the measles and is sick for two weeks. A revival comes to town and everyone, even Huck, gets very religious for a short time.
Soon enough, that ends, just in time for Muff Potter's trial to begin. Tom is still wracked with guilt about letting Muff Potter take the blame for Injun Joe's crime. He goes against his oath and confesses what he knows to the defense attorney. He testifies in court, and Muff Potter is freed, but not before Injun Joe escapes.
Tom and Huck go looking for buried treasure. Instead, they find Injun Joe again. While hiding from him, they discover that he is in possession of a large amount of treasure. They decide to spy on him and try to steal it. Becky returns to town, and all the children (except Huck) go on a picnic to McDougal's Cave. While exploring, Tom and Becky get lost and left behind.
The same night Tom and Becky get lost, Huck follows Injun Joe and another man to Widow Douglas's house. He overhears Injun Joe's plan to hurt the Widow Douglas, and runs to Mr. Jones, the Welshman, to get help. Mr. Jones and his sons chase Injun Joe off. The next day, Huck is exhausted and gets very sick. At church that morning, Aunt Polly realizes that Tom and Becky are missing, and the town begins to search the maze-like cave to find them.
Inside the cave, Tom and Becky realize they are lost and try to find a way out. At one point, Tom thinks he's found someone, but all he discovers is Injun Joe hiding out in the cave. After many days, just as they've given up hope, Tom sees light and leads Becky out. The townsfolk are overjoyed when they return. Judge Thatcher has the door to the cave sealed. When Tom finds out, he tells the judge that Injun Joe is inside, but they arrive too late, and Injun Joe has starved to death.
After Injun Joe's funeral, Tom realizes that the treasure is hidden in the cave. He and Huck go back and find the treasure. When they return, they are summoned to the Widow Douglas's house, where Mr. Jones tells everyone that Huck is the one who saved the Widow's life. The Widow, out of gratitude, announces that she will adopt Huck. Tom reveals that they have found Injun Joe's treasure. They are both rich.
Huck has a hard time living under Widow Douglas's roof and runs away. Tom convinces him to return and become a part of respectable society with the promise that they will start a dangerous gang of robbers. Huck agrees, and they go back to the village.