-I didn't do it, no one saw me do it, there's no way you can prove anything!

-Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ. 

-I've said it before, and I'll say it again...aye carumba!

-Who's the black private dick that's a sex machine with all the chicks?

-There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the boogy-man or Michael Jackson.

-Inside every hardened criminal beats the heart of a ten-year-old boy.

-You know, I've done a lot of bad stuff through the years. I guess now I'm paying the price. But there's so many things I'll never get a chance to do: smoke a cigarette, use a fake ID, shave a swear word in my hair.

-I think its ironic that for once dad's butt prevented the release of toxic gas

-Why would anyone want to hurt me? I'm this century's Dennis the Menace!

-Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.

-What's Santa's Little Helper doing to that dog? Looks like he's trying to jump over, but he can't quite make it. 

-I can't stand to see you so upset, Lis, unless it's from a rubber spider down your dress - Hmm, that gives me an idea note for later: put rubber spider down Lisa's dress. 

-I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!

-What if you're a really good person, but you get into a really, really bad fight and your leg gets gangrene and it has to be amputated. Will it be waiting for you in heaven?

-Remember, you can always find East by staring directly at the sun.

-It'll be just like the Swiss Family Robinson, except with more cursing...We're gonna live like kings! Damn hell ass kings!

- Joe's Crematorium, you kill 'em, we grill 'em.

-Oh, please. There's only one fat guy that brings us presents and his name ain't Santa.

-Hello everybody...sparkle sparkle

-Can I get a tattoo that says 'bite me'?  I might come in handy

-They're gonna feel so silly when they find out they've forgotten us

-Spill it, Muddy May, or we're calling the cops

-Sooner or later you'll let your guard down, and then...flush...it's toilet time for tiny town

- Lise...you're not ugly.

-And who's your little school friend? wait a minute! That's mom!!