-Well, that's odd ... I've just robbed a man of his livelihood, and yet I feel strangely empty. Tell you what, Smithers - have him beaten to a pulp.

-I could crush him like an ant. But it would be too easy. No, revenge is a dish best served cold. I'll bide my time until ... Oh, what the hell. I'll just crush him like an ant.

-What good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man?

-Just give the great unwashed a pair of oversized breasts and a happy ending, and they'll 'oink' for more every time.

-Smithers, for attempting to kill me, I'm giving you a five percent pay cut!

-I'm looking for something in an attack dog. One who likes the sweet gamey tang of human flesh. Hmmm, why here's the fellow ... Wiry, fast, firm, proud buttocks. Reminds me of me.

-Ooh, the Germans are mad at me. I'm so scared! Oooh, the Germans!

-This house has quite a long and colourful history. It was built on an ancient Indian burial ground, and was the setting of Satanic rituals, witch-burnings, and five John Denver Christmas specials.

-Bad corpse! Stop ... scaring ... Smithers!

-A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green blow... and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner.

-Look at them, Smithers. Goldbrickers.... Layabouts.... Slug-a-beds! Little do they realise their days of suckling at my teat are numbered.

-This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you.

-Nonsense! Dogs are idiots! Think about it, Smithers. If I came into your house and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over you, what would you say?

-Look Smithers, a bird has become petrified and lost its sense of direction.

-Do my worst, eh? Smithers, release the robotic Richard Simmons.

-Ah, Monday morning. Time to pay for your two days of debauchery, you hung-over drones.

-I had a dream about her last night Smithers.  You know that dream where they come flying in the window

-Release the hounds

-*honks horn* Look out!, I'm a motorist!

-officer, arrest that baby!

-So Smithers, what are you doing this weekend? Something Gay, I expect?  you know, something light, and fancy free. Mothers, lock up your daughters, Smithers is on the town!

-I should be able to run over as many kids as I want!

-*while riding an elephant* Ha-Ha! Smithers! this reminds me of that fat man I used to ride to work!

-Before you begin, let me make one thing clear for you... I want your legal advice.  I even pay for it... But to me you're all vipers!  You live on personal injury! You live on divorces! You live on pain and misery!!....But I'm rambling, would anyone like some coffee?

- Thank you for not making fun of my genitalia.

-I thought I had everything - Money, good looks, strong sharp teeth...but what's it all worth when nobody likes you.

-Conga conga conga! we like Monty Burns more! conga like you mean it! please don't make me shock you!

-out of my way, doctor coming through *shocks Flanders* there's a good lad.

-There's a little crippled boy in hospital who wants you to win.  I know because I crippled him myself

-if you see only one film this year that proves my innocence, make it this one.

-I told him his father was killed in the Amazon by a tribe of savage women...i hope it didn't effect him in any way.

-Oooh, their flower power.  Well it's no match for my glower power!

-My germs!  My precious germs!  They never harmed a soul!  They never had the chance!

-Whoops, lost a nail.  Well, that's leprosy for you.

-I haven't felt this energised since my last bowling