-The strong must protect the Sweet.

-Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure... not even close.

-Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.

-Homer no function beer well without.

-When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!

-Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.

-I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

-Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!

-What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.

-Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

-Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

-The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!

-When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.

-I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.

-I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!

-Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.

-I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?

-Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

-It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

-Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos.

-I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.

-Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.

-Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that Alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But, it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harassing that woman.

-Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

-How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

-I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is -- and it's me.

-Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?

-If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.

-I'm never going to be disabled. I'm sick of being so healthy.

-Operator! Give me the number for 911!

-Oh, so they have internet on computers now!

-I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.

-Hee hee! Look at this country! 'You are gay.'

-Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

-What's mind, no matter, what's matter, never mind

-No beer and no TV make Homer go something something

-To alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems

-Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike, you just do a half assed job, that's the American way

-I am so smart, I am so smart, S-M-R-T, i mean S-M-A-R-T

-TV...is there anything it doesn't know?

-I hope I didn't brain my damage

-Gimme some inner peace or I'll mop the floor with ya

-I'm getting out of this town alive if it kills me!

-Aaaarrgghh...They're in my hair

-Nothing good ever ends with eum, they end with mania or teria

-Nucular, It's pronounce nucular

-It's my first day (loads of stuff that i can't write) Quak Quak Quak

-You can take this job and re-staff it

-I have to have a gun, it's in the constitution

-see you in hell, dinner plate

-I want you to pull the thing that's near the other thing

-now the movies turned into a play, still good though.

-Now do you believe dead rats float Lisa?

-Someone's  yellow belly is showing.

-Yup, the old quarry's just a stone throw away.

-Ah, heh-heh.  There have been so many classic Simpson moments.  I remember the time I tried to jump over Springfield Gorge...

-Why look, it's Chad Sexington

-I was having a private conversation with my wife, in the guise of Chad Sexington.  Do you mind?

-I hate to rain on your parade lady, but this is my grave

-Oh come on mom, we use the same line when the kids are at summer camp

-Mom, nothing to be scared about, but could you take a last look at the family and join me in the kitchen?

-Marge, I'm going to Moe's, send the kids to the neighbours, I'm coming back loaded

-If you want to ask Burns something, now's the moment.  He's doped up or dying or something!

-I won't be needing this anymore! *sounds of toilet flushing, again and again* Marge, someone broke the toilet

-I guess some people never change.  Or they quickly change and then they quickly change back

-Don't you know that old poem?  Water, water everywhere, so let's all take a drink

-Here fishy, fishy, fishy...We're waiting

-Occasionally, I'll be quirky