-All right! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalogue.

-Hey, I don't need no advice from a pinball machine. I'll have you know, I wrote the book on love.

-They think they're so high and mighty, just because they never got caught driving without pants.

-People today are healthier and drinking less. You know, if it wasn't for the junior high school next door, no one would even use the cigarette machine.

-Man, you go through life, you try to be nice to people, you struggle to resist the urge to punch 'em in the face, and for what?

-Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything.

- Fine, crap all over my theory

-Moe: Now this first thing is just going to look like a used Band-Aid and, uh, and it is, but the rest of the stuff don't make no sense without it so, uh, you know, bear with me.
Marge: Wow, Moe, you've been doing a lot of sleuthing.
Moe: Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.  I sleuthed my ass off on this one.  Uh, okay, [holds up a metal "6"] this is a number six from somebody's address, or [inverts it] is it a nine?  You don't know.  Uh, this is gravel.  Uh, okay?  *Gravel.*  This is, uh, that's more gravel.  Okay.  Oh -- this is a shell that, to me -- this is just me talking -- it looks like a helmet for a mouse.  Now, that sounds crazy, right?  But, if you ask the mice about it, they don't say nothing.  I mean, they run the other way.  At first, I was just fishing with the helmet thing, but then from the mouse's reaction I got, uh, I got a little more concerned.

- we're losing power!! we're losing back up power!! we're down to mood light in here!!! *music starts to play*

- aye aye, ya big dummy...ooh what a dummy.

- no one gets away from Moe! Ahahaaha!!! hahahahahha!!! hahaha *starts coughing*

- *while daydreaming about his loved ones* Ohh mister Shnookums I love you so!! ...what are you looking at?!