-Krabapple: It's a perfectly cromulent word

-Hoover: since we have 15 minutes left, please put down your pencils and stare at the front of the room.

Samantha: How do we know when we fall in love?
Krabapple: Oh, don't you worry, most of you will never fall in love and marry out of fear of dying alone.

Ralph: miss Hoover? I'm not allowed to use scissors.
Hoover: the children are right to laugh at you Ralph, these scissors couldn't cut butter.

Mr Largo: Congratulations, Lisa.
Lisa: You mean I won first chair?
Mr Largo: No, you regained consciousness. Alison got first chair.
Lisa: AHHHHH!!! Oh, it's a dream! (passes out)
Mr Largo: Congratulations, Lisa.
Lisa: You mean I won first chair?
Mr Largo: No, you regained consciousness. Alison got first chair. This is not a dream! Lisa: AHHHHH!!!!!

Bart: Mrs. Krabappel, I can't take the test. I have a stomach ache.
Mrs Krabappel: Well, that's a lame excuse for an excuse. Ha!
Bart: Look, if you ignore me and I die, you'll get in a lot of trouble.
Mrs Krabappel: Read page six of the school charter.
Bart: "No teacher shall be held accountable if Bart Simpson dies."
Mrs Krabappel: We're also absolved if Milhouse gets eaten by the school snake.
A Milhouse-shaped lump in the snake: Hey, cool! There's a rabbit in here!

Krabapple: I don't entertain much. Usually its just salad for one, soup for one, wine for three.

Skinner: Is this how you imagined your life, Edna?
Mrs Krabappel: Well yes, but then I was a very depressed child